As I sit here and write this [on December 14th] I am in awe of the fact that I am now carrying our second child. I took a test this morning, since I was 5 days late and hopped in the shower to wait out the results. I thought, what if this is it? My son is just shy of 9 months, he will be 17 months at the due date if I am indeed pregnant, what would that look like? I stopped all the questions and thought, I can’t keep hoping because if the result is negative, my heart will sink, so I prayed. I prayed the situation into God’s hands and said “your will be done, Jesus – I have full faith that you will guide my family’s life.” I continued to rest in the hot water and be thankful that my son was sleeping when all of the sudden, with conditioner in my hair, I hear him cry from his crib… Great, shower is cut short, results are waiting on the other side of this shower door, do I stay in here and hide? No! I rinsed off, hop out dripping wet and ready to greet my sick and teething babe when I see the test.. Pregnant.
Now, this doesn’t come as a full shock to us since we weren’t protecting against it and I have always dreamt of having my kids close together so they could essentially grow up together and to my hopes, be best friends. (Jury will be out on this one for quite some years). I am half in disbelief that it happened this easily – given our first time around, it took well over a year – and I’m also sitting wondering, can I really handle two? I went to greet my son and joyfully tell him he’s going to be an older brother, which he doesn’t understand just yet. I pick him up and envelop myself in the moment that for now I am able to spend glorious time with my first child as my other grows inside.
It’s funny how we go through these moments of doubt, moments where we wonder if we are good enough and then I remember, God has given me the ability and the grace to raise a family, the patience to handle a child and woefully trusts me with a second. I am anxious to see my family grow and wonder what our second will be like. For now, I am going to enjoy my son and watch him grow as his sibling develops over the next
9 (now 7) months.
On this journey, I am excited to stand alongside other mommas that are on the same journey of pregnancy or those that are in hopes to be there one day. Pregnancy is such a precious time in life, it’s the quiet before the storm, the waiting in as much patience as possible, it blinks by too quickly and then soon, you’ll hold your child in your arms and your heart will have grown tenfold.
Today Jesus, I am thankful
– Essentially a Mom